It is pretty easy to focus on what is difficult in life and push what is going well aside. It's not healthy to get wrapped up in the negative, but it is human nature and it happens. Lately I have been wrapped up in the negative. I have been frustrated by some behaviors our foster children exhibit. It is exhausting when our 4 year old (Lamar) argues about everything and anything and adds the pouting, freezing-up, and crying when things don't go his way. It is exhausting that our 2 1/2 year old's (Mia) answer to anything is "I don't want to" (insert very whiny voice) and she constantly roams the room taking toys from the other kids no matter what activity is set up for her. Something I fail to do when I am in the thick of all this is remember what it was like the day they entered our door and how much they have grown.
Over the last month and a half something we have done really well is be consistent. We refuse to argue with Lamar. We provide clear choices and consequences and stick with the consequences of the choice made. We provide three activity choices for Mia, provide her a space to play with her choice, and set the timer for 10 minutes. She needs to stay in her area with her choice until the timer rings. Once the timer rings, she can make a new choice. Our plan to work on behavior has not been magical. There have been many 10 minute play time minutes spent crying "I'm all done with this choice!" (before she even touched the choice) There have been many times Lamar didn't like his choices and chose to cry and throw a tantrum.
However, today I have been getting glimpses of all our hard work. Mia invited Ava to play with the purses after breakfast and one thing led to another and soon the girls were pretending to go to a birthday party and were serving each other tea. There was no timer and the activity wasn't initiated by me. 45 minutes of cooperative play---it was beautiful. Something we would have never seen a month a ago. I got Lamar ready for school today. He went through the whole routine without once arguing. When I dropped him off he gave me a big hug and a kiss and told me to have a good day. A pretty nice way to start the day (for both him and me!).
The day could end differently than the way it started, but I will do my best to remember how far we have all come since our "our new friends" moved in almost two months ago!
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